Apologia Pro Vita Sua: Being a Reply to a Pamphlet Entitled "what, Then, Does Dr. Newman Mean?" ..
Apologia Pro Vita Sua: Being a Reply to a Pamphlet Entitled "what, Then, Does Dr. Newman Mean?" ..
Newman, John Henry, 1801-1890
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How could I be considered in a posi- tion, even to say a word to them one way or the other? How could I presume to unsettle them, as I was unsettled, when I had no means of bringing them out of such unsettlement? And, if they were unsettled already, how could I point to them a place of refoge, which I was not sure that I should choose for myself ? My only line, my only duty, was to keep simply to my own case. I recollected Pascal's words, " Jc mourrai seul." I delibercd;ely put out of my though...ts all other works and claims, and said nothing to any one, unless I was obliged. But this brought upon me a great trouble. In the news- papers there were continual reports about my intentions ; I did not answer them;. presently strangers or friends wrote, begging to be allowed to answer them ; and, if I still kept to my resolution and said nothings then I was thought to be mys- terious, and a prejudice was excited against me. But, what was far worse, there were a number of tender, eager hearts, of whom I knew nothing at all, who were watching me, wish- ing to think as I thought, and to do as I did, if they could but find it out ; who in consequence were distressed, that, in bo solemn a matter, they could not see what was coming, and who heard reports about me this way or that, on a first day and on a second ; and felt the wea]:Lness of waiting, and tlw sickness of delayed hope, and did not understand that I was as perplexed as themselves, and, being of more sensitive com-^ plexion of mind than myself, were made ill by the suspense.
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