Remembrances of a Religio Maniac An Autobiography

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This seemed finally and for ever to shut me out. Again, it was not so much what those who had been led astray thought as what those who loved them thought, and I felt that even now everyone knew everything. Those who loved them were God's creatures, and their appeal to Him for justice would never be in vain. I should have to meet them again, and it was they who must be satisfied and must also freely and fully forgive, otherwise there could be no rest for me anywhere. Even if no one loved them, ...by that very fact we are assured that God Himself loves them all the more. I remember feeling so abandoned that I actually thought I was the devil himself, for I had done his work ; and yet I felt that God would have mercy even upon such a monster. 1 After feeling so utterly crushed that I was certain I should never be able to look anyone in the face again, I prayed fervently for some sign of forgiveness ; for if I could feel that He forgave me, per- haps it did not matter very much what men thought, and if He once forgave me, He by a wish could make all His true servants forgive me also.

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