Something Blue

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Even the sex—the cornerstone of our relationship—was starting to feel routine. I tried to tell myself that it was only the stress caused by the life changes hurtling our way: the apartment we had yet to look for, the wedding we had yet to plan, and our baby on the way.When I asked Marcus why he thought we were fighting so much, he blamed it all on my “fixation” with Rachel and Dex. He said he had grown weary of my endless Q&A, that he didn’t think it was healthy to spend so much time speculating... over what they were doing, and that I should focus on my own life instead. I vowed to talk less about them, believing that in a matter of weeks, I would no longer care what they were doing. But a worry tugged at my heart that it wasn’t that simple, that despite my efforts to make things work with Marcus, we were on the brink of a breakup.What nagged at me even more than any relationship woes was the accompanying regret about the baby. I talked a big game, but deep down, I wasn’t so sure I wanted a baby.

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