The Heinie Prize (2006)

Cover The Heinie Prize
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I said. “It’s filled with photo albums of me. Careful not to wrinkle them.”
Feenman groaned under the weight of the huge carton. “Where am I carrying this, Bernie?”
“Into your room,” I said. “Crench, careful with that poster of me. The frame is delicate glass.”
I watched Crench hoist the poster off my wall. He followed Feenman into the tiny room across the hall.
“Belzer, watch how you handle those boxer shorts,” I said. “I have them neatly folded and arranged by color.”
“I don’t get it, Big B,”
...Belzer said. “Why are you moving out of your room?”
I put a hand on Belzer’s shoulder. “I’m giving my room to you, Belzer,” I said. “And I’m moving into that tiny closet across the hall with Feenman and Crench.”
“But, Bernie—” he started.
“No. Don’t thank me,” I said. “You know I do anything for my friends.”
“But, Bernie—”
I clapped him on the back. His bubble gum went flying from his mouth. He bent over, picked it up, and popped it back in.


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